Back with Blacks

Wow, seconds into my first background gig in months, I have the urge to decapitate the wardrobe witch. I may not last this year -- my anger is definately unmanaged.

It all started in typical ADD-fashion for me. I forgot my wallet, and thus no picture I.D. to get on the Pentultimate Studios lot. As I was about to give-up and drive back home (and face the balls of rush hour clanging in my face), when I notice I have my Hollywood Death Cab picture I.D. with me. Not government issued, but not without iconic value either. The guard let me know he loved our tour, and he took his nieces everytime they were in town. The guard let me right in. Nice as pie. Too nice, he'll be fired by some hateful overlord.

Back to the wardrobe witch, she chastised me for having no clothes change. The phone message had said we didn't need a change if we were union. I started to inform her of this fact and got the

"I've been doing this for fifteen years"

I interrupted with "I've been doing this for one day."

A slight deception, but it stopped her cold.

Then she went into a kintergarten teacher voice with me and preceded to tell me how to do all the rudiminterary background behavior. Long lecture about labels on clothing (I had brought a jacket with a label. Not as wardrobe, just in case it was cold on set).

It's the tone really. The condecending tone that sez I think you're less then human. The tone that sez: I'm talking to someone short on chromozones. It starts my inner "disgruntled extra bomb" ticking. I think I was programmed in a government experiment to kill upon hearing this tone.

The wardrobe white witch is definately in the minority on the set. It's a minority set for show "Gal Pals," and just about everyone is african-american. Can I make a cultural statement here??? I like being on "black" sets. Working "black" shows. There's a lack of needless anxiety and class-baiting I see all over Hollywood. The director walked right up to the extras waiting for the Second-Second to sign us out for the day and started chatting.

"What's it like to be an extra?"

"Can I ask you, how much you get?"

We asked him questions back.

"How'd you get to be a director?"

He said he got a film into Sundance and then got hired to write for a show. It took off from there. He had never done extra or crew work. Came in the writer door.

"I'll go get the A.D. so you can sign out and go home." That's how the director concluded the session.

Now, it would be naive and racist of me to say this incident means "all black folks are nice!" I've had friends who've been in the minority on Spike Lee films and say their the crew stares daggers at anyone not of color. But, in my experience, this isn't the first time I've worked a "black" television show that was really enjoyable. The class lines didn't seem so securely drawn among different members of the crew&cast. The grub was available to everyone, no one deterred us from eating -- either union or non-union. Our Extra Wrangler was a nice person, lots of humanity, explained what we were doing in the scene, etc.

Plus, were on the Pentulatimate Studios lot. Gorgeous lot, reeking with history. Walk past a trophy case full of Oscar statues. A first-time extra is next to me, and he stops and stares at the academy award wealth of Pentulatimate. It's just the best and most well-kept studio in hollywood.

I run into one of my old pals who survived the Citizen Kane shoot we did last spring. Blood&Mud&Rain&Tears on that one. She still is searching for that last union voucher. I'm card-carrying union now and tell her "all I want is my fucking doughnut." I think they should have that on the Union seal, in Latin.

"Volo meus rapui doughnutus"

A beautiful extra sitting next to me in the scene introduces herself.

"Hi, I'm Mandy."

"Hey Mandy, I'm Josh. Are you --"

Mandy turns her head from me. I guess the conversation is over. I feel like I'm in sixth grade again. She started to talk to me! I'm gay! Crimeny!!!!

Later I see a guy who could be Brad Pitt's double. I ask my pal from Citizen Kane and she confirms -- he is Brad Pitt's double from time-to-time. Smoking hot dude, with sizzle blue eyes. He appears straight, otherwise I'd, I'd, I'd be intimidated by him.