Got a part today -- playing the handicapped for laffs

will I be able to make em laff and forget I'm handi-clapped? "play the humanity" of it I hear in my thesps head.

It's a short film that I auditioned for. One of our Hollywood Death Cab tourguides posted it in dispatch. Made the trek out to Tujunga for the audition. Audtioned on a back, screened-in porch. Made me happy. Two hot male tourguides there who think I'm funny for a miscreant.

They asked you to prepare a comic monologue. It was enjoyable just to contemplate performing something. I think I've cracked the code on how to approach auditions. They're just chances to perform, and I like performing. Beats the silence required in extra-ville.

I got there and they handed me sides.

"We've ditched the monlogues."

There goes more another 3 totally unproductive hours of my life.

Oh, I should be polite. Sides are partial copies of a script, just a couple of pages outta the whole. These particular sides were of a young "hip" dude hitting on a chick with decidely un-hip lines. Okay, I'm old, I'm dowdy and I'm gay. This should be good.

I read it once, and my unease shows. They kindly ask me to read again. This time, better, and I throw myself at the absurdity of it all. I get laffs.

I drive away thinking -- what the fuck. I wish they would have told me what they were casting for, so I wouldn't have invested my time. Forgot about it.

Today, I got the call -- I'm in. They want me to play someone with tuberculois (shit, I can't even spell it). TB. TB is the new funny disease, replacing tourette's, which hired an expensive publicist. It's nice to know when casting people think of me, they think -- afflicted! Effected! Ham!!!