Malted Chocolate Goodness Shake

Some odd gal on our extra's bus kept rambling. She had red hair and was overweight. She rambled about how Bob Fossee had no morals because he slept with bad and ugly dancers. She said that Richard Dreyfuss was the original dude on "All that Jazz," but left, cuz Fossee was bogarting the joint. She said that she loved the new Carl, Jr.'s "Malted Chocolate Goodness Shake." She was a graphic designer. She came next to me and told me she had a "Popular Theory." Her Popular Theory was that some day extras will get on a bus to go to set, and they'll take us to a remote location and kill us all. But, she felt that was amatuer, she felt she was really good at mass murder. It was at this point, that I separated from our red-headed fatty, and pretended to notice something of importance on the side of the Muslim worship area we were entering.

"Look, one of my relatives, left this plaque," I said. Although I'm not Muslim, nor Muslim-esque, nor Muslim-lite, it was a enuff of a distraction to get her to leave me. Praise Allah.

We were filming an episode of "Maximize Your Bile," a highly rated show on Cinemax. The ADs were certainly angry. One came into extra's holding and threatened to make us all go back into the sanctuary, until we told him who was sitting next to the star, David Lorry. Finally, David Lorry himself, desparate, and wanting to go home, came into Extra's Holding, jumped into the pit with the lepers, to find out: who was sitting next to him, so they could match the shot. It was strangely satisfying to see him beg to us, meanwhile we had been held in our seats in the sanctuary for five hours, with no bathroom breaks, and no soup.

Once again, there was soup on set, but if we wanted it: we had to steal it. How appropo, for this show was created by David Lorry, the man who made the term "Soup Nazi," famous. Lots of folks on set today were also on the Citizen Kane shoot of last week. I found out there had been a fight among extra's and the blade-runner-bouncers. What sport! What entertainment! I imagine them wrestling in the blood, the mud and the tears. And the Hay, which burns your skin. There was hay strewn everywhere to sop up the puddles. Also, apparently the "Car People" were of the highest echolon on Citizen Kane. They were extras who were booked with their cars, so they got to go directly to set. They had it better than the dog people, those booked with their dogs. While the dog people had a separate tent, the Car People got to SLEEP in their cars most of the night, and were never used the entire three daze. They had it even better then the peeps in a Red Cross tent, sheltered from the rain, and lying on cots. These Car People just listened to CDs the whole time, while we were fighting to be one of the human molecules bouncing around Cat Bruz's car. In fake or real rain. I hate those Car People.

Cell phones rang all day on set. Extras seem incapable of turning them on vibrate. 'Twas fun to watch David Lorry improv with the cast. The fat guy in the show kept talking the whole time. And, he wasn't funny. Louie Richard, the sad-sack comedian was on the show too, and I talked to him about being from Iowa. Poor Louie Richard just looks grey now, ashen-faced. Can you look that tired and still be healthy? Is he ill?

Sad little background dude was placed next to David Lorry, and David Lorry asked to have him removed. Apparently, this fella had fucked up his part on previous "Maximize Your Bile," and David said to the A.D., as the backie was being escorted out:

"I need someone who can act next to me."

Ouch. I had been talking to this Backie in line, and felt bad for him.

Fights almost broke out between extras over pushing: a 60-something extra took a swing at a buff 30-something extra, but he ducked and peeps jumped in between them. I thought they were goofing, and almost head-butted the older dude, as a playful thing. Another extra started yelling at the P.A.'s signing us out, that they had lost this extra's voucher. Later, on the way to the parking lot, the same extra asked me for a 35 mile ride. Sad sack dude.

One extra just blurted out things during our "quiet times" from time-to-time:

"When do we leave?"

"I want food!"

And, his best was to a sound guy standing on a chair:

"Sir, you should really use a ladder."

Just what every soundman wants, advice from an extra. On set, I got a call from gay lover, the suit, that he had extra tickies to the premiere to "Be Cool." So, I asked one backie who had said he was in the flick and wanted to go to the premie. He had asked the Gods for this, and I manifested his dream. In the end, he had an early call time, and was afraid to go to the party and booze, and then start smoking. Today was his first day off nicotine. Lame, to spit on God's gift, but the nicotine thing gave him a pass.

I also asked another gal, who's sis is friends with my lover, and she said yes. She had a grand time, and drank/danced and drank/danced, and tried to rub her bum-bum on my front-front. Uh, I'm certainly not going to let this happen on valentine's day (or any other day) with the nice lover who got us into the party watching us. No, I just did the matador dance, keeping her bull away from my red cock (cape), and lamenting where were these types of advances when I still thought I was straight?

Got to talk to Jan Fabulous, my favorite director, and a great actor outta Second City in Chicago. The chat was so long, I felt like he was on my talk show. Earlier in the day, I'm sitting in a Muslim sanctuary, as an anonymous face, and now I'm talking to Jan Fab. Fab is a favorite of backies everywhere, he's made great speeches and stories about his time in the background, and sticks up for us. He even brought a little battery-operated light, to shine on his face when he was doing extra work once.

The saddest thing at the premie, was me giving a leftover ticket to an autograph hound who sits outside the gates of the premie. I've seen him at these things before. He was so beaten down by life, that his wonka-welcome-to-the-chocolate-factory moment couldn't happen. The guard turned him back, even with his ticket. I found this out when I left the party. I wish I had tucked him in our group, so he could have gone. He ruined my benevolent fantasy and broke my heart.