Pull a string, win a prize

"I played Billy Starbuck in the Rainmaker, my director said I was great. It was in Farrow, tiny city outside of Denver, but I can sing, you know, I can sing really good, did karaoke last night and this skank started slinking all over me, I've done several roles, several that should have been principles, I'll do whatever it takes, I'm thinking of selling these pills, this Dr. Schultze, he's not saying he's curing cancer, but he can fix your liver, I mean, it can't be lies, they can't say this unless it's true?"

My first chance to say something: "Well, actually herbal pills get a lot of leeway."

[blank stare from the blabber. I try harder to reach him.]

"If you are a pharmaceutical drug, you have strict FDA monitoring of your claims, but herbal gets away with a lot more boasting. Think about all the penis enhancement ads you get in your e-mails. Those are all herbal."

[blank stare from the blabber. I try more harder to reach him.]

"If you have a pharmaceutical product that sez it makes your penis hard, then it has to work. But herbal ..." I stop talking, I can see the extra is not enjoying this conversation in the middle of his monologue.

"Well, yeah, I just really hope I can get this job. My girlfriend sez in a good way "Ohhh, you're an actor," and I'm like, you're not from around here, and she's not: she's from Luxembourg. She wants babies, house, etc., but I don't want all that. I went up and approached her on the beach, she's in her undies, basically, that's what a swimsuit is, but I just went for it. I don't want to get married, but right now it's going okay, I just need to get some lines, cuz when I was in the Rainmaker ..."

All of this from an extra to whom I exchanged a few pleasantries. I think of many of these extra as talking dolls, by saying just a few words to them, or nodding their way, you've effectively pulled their string, and then the unload their tortured speil. When they are finished, they fall silent again, head slumps forward, and they wait for the next person to pull their string.

I was hearing all this in Irvine, we were shooting a commercial for Kaza, the file-sharing company. We were at a giant field hockey stadium, and it was a mass cattle call. Which means, they often cheap you out on food. The craft services was a joke, and they had In-and-Out for lunch. No fries either. They had us in the stadium, yelling for four hours, with very few bathroom breaks and no water available or craft services. On one break, when extras tried to leave to find some water, they had PAs close the gates to the stadium as we ran toward them (it felt very war-time) and then not let us out any exit.

Yelling makes you thirsty, and it was fairly cruel to not give peeps access to water. When we went to leave, we first got our vouchers, and we had to wait in line to get them, and wait in line to get them processed. This added an extra hour onto our day that we didn't get paid for. In a word: butt-fucking-bonanza.

Of course, because of the large number of extras, people we're hiding in the stadium's restrooms, not coming back to their seats, etc. Clowns. We had a tiny chinese director, who was dressed in the most predictable flashy hip-hop ensamble and trucker hat. The commercial was fairly predictable as well, belly dudes with their naked guts hanging out, proclaiming "Kazaa" on their painted bodies. A funny-ha-ha mascot for Kazaa. Superbowl commercials are long on $$$, but short on ideas. They generally suck. As overblown as the fucking game itself, and I am one gay man who loves football.

Oh, this commercial we were filming is meant for the Superbore. At one point the A.D. was exhorting us to cheer "as if we were at the Superbowl." Well, we were cheering as if we were at the superbowl. As one who's been, it's a bunch of corporate fucks on a marketing hoedown, wondering what next free trinket and food will come there way. About 100 real fans who've scalped their way into the game, but the rest ... ugh ... disinterested business dudes ...

Afterwards, a few of us found a Norm's on their mobile internet unit, and we went and had breakfast, lumberjack breakfast, steak & eggs, etc. We talked about American Idol and sang 80s songs to the annoyance of the other customers.