Indira Pawn's Butt Crack ...

... quite possibly the highlight of my background career last night: Working on this movie called "Checkers." I got to view Indira Pawn's Butt Crack. Whilest she writhed on a mechanical bull. Had a front row seat, because I looked hilarious in this costume they had for me. It was more halloween, then a real redneck (that was my category), I looked like a dude from Urban Cowboy. Or BJ and the Bear. Certainly no one goes to redneck bars looking like this in the year 2004, but my cartoonish look got my favorably placed in the front row. The AD said the camera was doing a slow dolly shot of us. With the ten-gallon cowboy hat they outfitted me with, I thought I looked like the guy who was escorting Oswald when he got shot. So I just did that sort of a suprised-assasination look, but it was about seeing Indira's bum slice, instead of a man executed in my arms.

Indira Pawn is quite possibly the Audrey Hepburn of the moment. Melt-in-your-mouth cotton candy. She's an english gal who made it big in an empowerment movie about Women's Rugby called "In the Scrum." Since then she's been on a lot of magazine covers and a few more movies. She was bubbly and sweet in person, talked to extras, just about all you could ask for. She almost made me wish I was straight. Almost.

They placed duded-up backies around her in a mechanical bull pit, with an inflatable floor in case she was thrown. They had a stunt double do it once, but then Indira did the same speed as the stunt double on the mechanical bull, so I'm not sure what the point of that was. She had on these teeny pants, with teeny thongs, and the thong rode down so you could witness:

HALELUJAH!!! BUTTOCKS CLEAVAGE!!!!!

It's not as good as a guy's ass, but Indira was world-class. I'm sorry to go on about this, but I could have been witnessing the modern day Marilyn Monroe-white-dress over the sewer grate swoosh.

I was standing next to the lone black guy they had in the bar and asked him

"Is this your worst nightmare? Being surrounded by not only white people, but frothing red necks?"

He replied: "Son, I feel like a lynching could happen at any moment."

We had a great time looking at Indira together, and he felt that made up for any unease he felt previously. Curious if Indira knew she was showing. Kirsten Dunst in Spiderman claimed she did not show her nipples were trying to break-outta the fabric of her wet dress. I would believe it from Indira, her focus was all about riding the bull, she's young and naive, she didn't seem the kind of girl who knows at every second what particular part of her is being showcased.

There were two new additions to the background brood last night. One was Tommy Whisk. He was from Alabama and babbled on endlessly about his show he was developing, and then tried an assortment of food/misundertanding/hick jokes:

I got off the plane and someone said "burrito." I took a swing at em!

This girl asked me if I wanted a Sex on the Beach, I said sure!

oh boy. a true dullard. the dullards abound, unfortunately. back was the sweaty bozo pig from the shoot at the Whorehouse Hotel and Diner. At one point he tried to sit with me, and I closed off our circle, turning my back to him, pretending to play cards. the newest and bestest was this fella who walked in circles and talked to himself. Like he was a part of the machine, the guys walking around-and-round in Midnight Express. I thought he was a perfect metaphor for a backie, walking around in your cell creating a fantasy life. how to do hard time. many of the background activities while we wait are fairly analagous to prisoners. throw in some barbells and a gritty soundtrack and you'd have it right. folks said he had suffered a car accident. he looked very nebbish, like Larry from the Three Stooges. As Hunter S. Thompson once said: "when the going gets weird, the weird turn pro."